Any woman in a serious relationship has probably wondered about what makes a man faithful.
And the thoughts of dishonesty and betrayal are seriously frightening, no one would ever want to experience them. Still, you can avoid them if you know the secret behind a man’s faithfulness.
If you’ve been in a relationship or you’ve been married for a long time, you would know that even when your man promised to love you, he could still go astray.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t trust your man, that you are insecure, and that you don’t think he loves you enough.
Because let’s face it, love may be one of the cornerstones of a relationship or a marriage, but it will never determine the honesty and loyalty of a person.
Even people who claim that they are head over heels in love with their partner can still end up committing infidelity for many reasons.
That is why when a seemingly love-filled relationship ends or is extremely damaged due to infidelity, the one who cheated says that it was the worst mistake of their lives.
Sadly, no matter how many times a cheater apologizes or promises to never do it again, it will never change the past and undo the damage it has already caused in the relationship.
Now, you are probably confused. If there is love in the relationship, then why do men cheat?
3 Likely reasons why a man fails to stay faithful
Some people claim that the only reason why men cheat is because of sex.
Their girlfriends or wives couldn’t give them the sexual gratifications they need or want, so they turn to other women to give it to them.
However, these people fail to recognize the fact that, more often than not, infidelity is more than just sex.
In reality, it has less to do with the sex per se, but more with the inner conflict with themselves, exacerbated by their girlfriends or wives’ failure to meet their emotional needs.
You see, even men have insecurities and traumas to heal from, and let us also not forget the fact that men, too, have specific love languages that they prefer to speak.
To try to understand men’s infidelity more deeply, here are some of the possible reasons and explanations on why they resort to cheating:
1. Childhood abuse
According to statistics, although girls are more prone to abuse, boys may also experience it, with 316,972 known cases in the US in the year 2019.
Childhood abuse can be emotional, physical, verbal, and sexual abuse, but regardless of its form, it can leave mental scars on the person.
Hence, a man who cheats may have unresolved traumas that unconsciously manifest in the shapes of commitment, attachment, abandonment, or intimacy issues.
If this is the case, then therapy may be able to help solve the unresolved issues in your partner’s past. You can read more about it here.
Like women, men also have their own perceived inadequacies, and they also suffer from the torments of their own insecurities.
It may not be visible, but those who have overly deflated egos tend to compare themselves to other men they deem superior to them.
And, to redeem themselves and boost their egos, they look for women other than their girlfriends or wives who can validate them and make them feel wanted or desired.
Some men find it really hard to let go of their youth, to grow up, and to face the challenging yet beautiful side of being a mature person.
These men tend to engage in selfish acts without considering the possible consequences of their behavior and the pain it will cause other people.
Best known as the Peter Pan Syndrome, the Irish Times described these men as
“Unhappy, irresponsible, self-centered, narcissistic men hiding behind masks of false gaiety and sexual prowess, inwardly terrified of growing up, of intimate relationships and abandonment.”
The 3 secrets of a faithful man
Now that you know some of the possible reasons why some men cheat, you probably already know why some men choose to remain faithful.
Of course, the main ingredient here is a satisfying relationship or marriage, but what makes it satisfying in the first place?
1. Sexual desires are fulfilled.
Although relationships shouldn’t revolve around sex, let us not forget that aside from the physical release, sex also has other important benefits.
It doesn’t only intensify the intimacy and the passion between two people, but it can also help in boosting one’s self-confidence.
As I’ve mentioned, men have their own insecurities. They see sex as an indicator of their desirability, especially if they try to be seductive and initiate sex.
Hence, if their partner fulfills their sexual desires and needs, they won’t see themselves as unwanted and undesirable.
Just like what Sarah Hunter Murray, a human sexuality expert, said in her interview with Today:
“Men indicated it was really a vulnerable act. But, again, it’s this idea of, “I want to feel close to you, and I’m going to see if you say, yes, you want me, too.” They wanted that connection, they wanted to feel seen.”
Therefore, a man whose sexual needs and desires are being met wouldn’t be desperate for other women’s attention.
Again, it’s not just about the act, and the pleasure sex can bring, but also about the possible effect on a man’s ego and self-concept.
2. Emotional needs are met.
Sex can also help in meeting a man’s emotional needs, but it shouldn’t stop there. After all, emotional needs are not always that easy to satisfy.
When we say emotional needs, it varies from person to person because not all people lack the same area.
That said, a man who sees his relationship or marriage as satisfying has a woman who knows exactly which area she needs to flourish.
Or at the very least, a woman who tries her best to satisfy and meet his emotional needs.
You see, some men won’t verbally communicate their feelings to their partners, but random words of encouragement, praises, and validations can make them feel loved and cared for.
Others want to feel like they are being prioritized by spending some bonding time with them even during busy days and using that time to truly connect on a whole new emotional level.
Even though emotional needs are sometimes hard to meet and impossible to fully satisfy, just the act of making an effort can make someone feel happy, comforted, and content.
3. There is no feeling of being stuck.
Relationships and marriages are tough to navigate.
There will be moments of misunderstandings and disagreements, but how the couple tries to resolve the conflict will determine the relationship’s success.
Those men who remain faithful to their girlfriends and wives do so because they both make the conscious decision to make an effort to make their relationship work.
They practice open and honest communication about each other’s needs, they try to make healthy and positive changes, and they don’t neglect or control each other’s feelings.
When these things are not being done, either one may feel unhappy and dissatisfied, and not being able to leave because of love or any other reasons can make a person feel stuck.
And, feeling stuck inside a relationship because the person does not want to leave or is not yet ready to leave, the partner may turn to cheating as a way of escape.
How can you make your man faithful?
If I’m honest, making someone loyal and faithful is extremely difficult because it’s a choice that a person needs to make of his own accord.
The same thing goes with staying loyal and faithful to someone. This is because no matter how much you try or wish for it to be, relationships and marriages will never be perfect.
But as a partner, a girlfriend, or a wife, you can try to guide him not to go astray.
You can do it by being fully present in your relationship and trying your best to be supportive and understanding of your man’s needs.
Just because you’re the woman doesn’t mean that your needs and wants should always come first.
And just because he’s the man doesn’t mean he should always be the one to make necessary adjustments.
Remember, relationships require giving and taking, and sometimes, it needs sacrifice and effort to thrive.
It doesn’t mean that your needs and wants should be placed behind his, that he’s now always on top of the priority list, and that there will be no more disagreements.
It only means that if you want him to remain faithful, you must also make an effort to make him feel satisfied and happy in your relationship.
Do so by making him feel that his needs and wants also matter the same way as yours.
Also, make efforts for him (whether in bed or other areas of his life), make him feel appreciated for all the things he’s doing for you, and make him feel loved and cared for.
If, in the end, he still decides to cheat, then perhaps he has deep-seated issues that he has to deal with first before he finally learns how to commit and remain faithful.
Being in a relationship, it’s only normal that you would want your man to be honest, committed, and faithful to you.
However, it’s a choice that only he can make. What you can do as his partner is to guide him and make him feel happy and content with you and in your relationship.
Recommended: When To Walk Away After Infidelity