We spend a lot of time on a relationship, so it’s challenging to decide whether to save a relationship or to leave it. So, should you save it?
If there’s still fondness, admiration, friendship, and good communication there, then you should at least try to work things out.
If all of those things are missing and the relationship becomes abusive and toxic, then you might want to reconsider.
You know where the actual threshold for you and your relationship is, and nobody is in the position to establish that for you.
Why is your relationship struggling? and should you fight for it?
Everyone has said mean, hurtful things to their partner at least once, and most of us have criticized or stonewalled our partner when fighting.
The reality of life is that everything, good and bad, ends up flowing out of us into our closest relationships.
If you’ve been in a relationship with somebody for years and still feel the same way, you have many things in your favor.
There are some signs that may guide your decision.
Some of the common reasons for why relationships struggle may include:
- Turning away from each other
- Poor conflict management and resolution
- Negative sentiment override
- Not enough positive interactions to counteract the negative ones
- Not sharing the same values
6 Signs that your relationship is worth fighting for
You think of your history with joy, and you don’t change the past – in retrospect, you can still think about the experiences you had with affection and love.
- You see both the good and the bad – Despite your partners’ shortcomings, you can also acknowledge their qualities.
- The same rule applies to the relationship – e.g., you can see the elements that make it work.
- Your partner wants to work things out and behaves in ways that show that – Your partner acknowledges his faults and makes an intentional effort to make things better.
- You see your part in the altering of your relationship and that your problems are not necessarily about the relationship in itself.
- You still foster deep feelings for your partner – and no, I’m not talking about infatuation, but rather that you have a deep and meaningful connection and foster feelings of friendship.
- Both of you share the same or similar values with eachother, despite your differences. – shared values create shared meaning, and shared activities bring purpose to your relationship.
Then how can you save your relationship?
By building a strong foundation of friendship.
Friendship in relationships is essential. Every healthy relationship should be built on trust, honesty, admiration, and respect.
A strong bond between two people is what gives your relationship the power to survive obstacles, such as infidelity and hurt feelings.
So how do you build a strong friendship with your partner?
There are a few ways:
- Fostering a natural curiosity towards your partner.
- Getting to know them deeply (through love maps).
- Finding ways to show your fondness for them regularly.
- Intentional “aspirations”
- Do things that show appreciation and build closeness and connection every day.
There’s one thing to express all the things you want to change in your relationship and communicate that verbally. But it’s a totally different thing to act!
The problem with inaction in relationships, in general, is that people get demotivated when they make big grandiose plans to better it.
Taking daily small and meaningful steps brings more value.
One example is setting a schedule that entails breakfast every day with your partner or planning a personal project together. Just remember to take everything one step at a time.
Address issues head-on. Notice the negativity that is present in your relationship and find ways to counteract it.
To do this, you must first accept the negative, expose yourself to it, let the conflict arise, and engage in repair attempts.
When things get too heated, always remember to have a technique to cool off at hand.
That’s why it’s essential to compensate for the harmful interactions with more positive ones (5 positives to one negative, to be more specific) and practice emotional regulation when fighting to react appropriately in the aftermath of a conflict.
Think of fighting as your way of thriving to have a better relationship – both you and your partner.
All relationships are hard work. However, not all relationships are worth the efforts required to make them work.
The truth is that if you have your heart set on a relationship, you will face challenges, and you must be willing to put some of your efforts into making things work.
Love is practice, practice, practice. It’s action and reaction, reinvention and rebuilding. A relationship is an ever-changing entity that needs to be fed to survive.
Constantly rethinking and renewing our relationships is VITAL to build a satisfying life, one that’s worth all the trouble.
There’s no wrong decision, so decide what’s the right one for you!
Recommended: Can Therapy Help Save Your Relationship?