“Once A Cheater Always a Cheater” – Or Are They?

by Daphne GarrettMay 21, 2021

“Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

This is a phrase you have heard before. The explanation of this phrase is quite simple. It’s the notion that if a person cheats on you, they will do it again.

This is despite the notion of the person feeling remorseful since there are reasons for people cheating. (Most are inexcusable.)

There is definitely some truth to this phrase. But, unfortunately, many cheaters are only sorry because they got caught, and they may do it again while working harder to cover up their tracks.

However, relationships are complex. There are people who are willing to stop doing it.

In this post, we will look at signs a person is willing to change, and signs a person isn’t.

5 Signs A Person Will “Always Be A Cheater”

A brief overview:

  1. A bad history.
  2. Fake apology.
  3. They rush the recovery.
  4. Suspicious activity.
  5. Refuses counseling.

The detail:

1. Look At Their Personality And History

A person who seems afraid of commitment may be a cheater. Many people may claim that they will settle down for you, but they have no plans to do so.

If a person had a history of cheating or not being able to be committed, there’s a good chance they are unwilling to change their ways any time soon.

Another part of their personality is their sex addiction. Sex is great, but an addict won’t be able to stop, and they may want more and more. While sex addiction isn’t an official diagnosis, there are many observations of people having it.

2. Fake Apology (Or None at All)

If a person is truly sorry, they will put more effort into the apology. Meanwhile, a person who isn’t sorry may give you a simple “sorry” or refuse to apologize. Sometimes, they may even shift the blame on you.

This isn’t to say there aren’t problems in the marriage in the relationship that lead to cheating (more on that later,) but they cheated, and they should be the one who apologizes to you in the end.

3. They’re Rushing You to Forgive Them

When a person cheats on you, it’s perfectly valid to not trust them afterward, and you expect them to prove their trust once again. Unfortunately, this is a process that will take a while.

A person who is continuing to cheat may rush you to “get over it,” especially when the wound is still fresh. They may act like them cheating a month ago was a long time and demand you act as if nothing happened.

4. They Still Have Suspicious Behavior

Are they still coming home from work late, or do they get defensive when looking at their phone? Do you still have that hunch that they aren’t being honest?

This may be a sign that they’re still cheating.

5. Refuses To Go To Counseling

Finally, a person who refuses to go to counseling doesn’t want to change.

There are many problems in a relationship that can be mend without a counselor. However, cheating is an issue that you may want to go to a therapist to handle.

Usually, cheating may be a sign there are bigger issues in the relationship that need addressing.

However, a cheater will be someone who will refuse to go to counseling. They may say they don’t need it or act prideful over the idea of them going to therapy. This is a sign that they don’t want to change, and you should drop them.

4 Signs A Person Is Willing To Change Their Ways

Cheating is an action that for many, spells the end of a relationship.

With that said, there are times when people make mistakes. Obviously, cheating isn’t like accidentally dropping your phone.

Still, it can be a horrible decision made in the heat of the moment or a result of a relationship that hasn’t been taken care of.

Here are some signs a person is willing to change:

  1. A Real Apology
  2. They Know Forgiveness Won’t Be Easy
  3. They Drop The Person Who They Cheated With
  4. They Are Willing To Take A Critical Look At The Marriage

The details:

1. Their Apology Is Sincere

A person who is willing to change will apologize from the heart. So unless they are a star actor, you can tell if they feel remorse and want to change.

There will be no shifting blame in this apology. It will all be admitted, and they will tell you how much they want to change as a person.

2. They Know Forgiveness Won’t Be Easy

A person who is remorseful for cheating will realize that it will take a long time for their spouse to forgive them.

Therefore, they won’t try to rush this process, nor will they shower you with gifts to try to make you change your mind. Instead, they will take their time and try to prove they are trustworthy again.

3. They Drop The Person They Were Talking To

A remorseful person will stop talking to the person they cheated on you with. They aren’t going to be “just friends” with the person but will drop them altogether.

In addition, you may notice any suspicious activity they had, has gone away altogether.

4. They Are Willing To Take A Critical Look At The Marriage

Nothing excuses cheating, but it’s often a complicated series of events. It may be due to an unfulfilled marriage, and there may be blame on both sides.

You know that in order to handle this, you may need to work together to figure out the cause and how to eliminate it.

A person who is willing to change themselves will want to go to therapy and try to take the steps to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

The Conclusion

So, if someone cheats, should you forgive them?

It all depends. Some will take a zero tolerance policy and drop them forever. However, if you have been in a relationship with them for a long time, you may be open to trying to change the relationship and there are steps to forgiving them.

Even if you’re about to drop them, consider therapy first. Even if it doesn’t fix the relationship, therapy can be a good way for you to find closure in your relationship.

It can be a long path to forgiveness or closure, but for many, it could be worth it.

Related:

7 Hard Truths About Moving On From Someone You Once Loved
How To Deal With Relationship Anxiety Without Therapy
Got Trust Issues? Here’s 7 Good Reasons They May Be Valid
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