My Husband Is Moody And Angry All The Time. What Do I Do?

by Ines SomoraiMay 4, 2021

A moody husband being angry all the time can be harmful to a marriage. However, consistent efforts to ignore all these emotions won’t make them disappear.

Loving someone who is an angry person or dealing with constant mood changes and feelings of negativity can be really challenging.

So, how do you deal with your husband being angry or moody all the time? Do you stand up to him in their bad behavior and manage to face him without ruining the connection you have?

What could cause mood swings?

Everybody has a period of easily getting annoyed, mad, or cranky by the environment without a valid reason. From time to time, these conditions appear as a consequence of losing sleep, hormones, or simply because we had a rough week.

Although it is natural to be a bit moody sometimes, some people go through emotional rollercoasters that are far more frequent and far more unpredictable than others.

In case your husband is one of them, living with him can be absolutely exhausting and irritating. 

You possibly find yourself being very careful not to offend or upset him. Or you’re constantly thinking about his next outburst. You may also wonder if you can live with your husband under these circumstances. 

Moodiness comes out of hesitation to deal with deeper issues. Reflecting and accusing other people is a way to escape digging deeper into the root causes of anger and bitterness. 

Moody people avoid confronting individual struggles after people carry the can and pamper them. Therefore, they become trapped in narcissistic tendencies, instability, and controlling behavior towards others.

Irritable male syndrome (IMS) is also known as a state of hypersensitivity, anxiety, frustration, and anger that occurs in males and is associated with biochemical changes, hormonal fluctuations, stress, and loss of male identity.”

Usually, the men don’t identify their sensitivity. Their think they are fine, although it seems like the whole world is attempting to annoy them.

Your husband probably says stuff like:

  • “Stop disturbing me”
  • “I’m not into it and you know it. Why do you keep doing this?”
  • “Give me a break.”
  • “There’s no problem! Everything is fine!”
  • “Stop with your questions.”
  • “Why are you so boring?!”

On the other hand, he may just stop talking and progressively fall into silence.

How do you deal with your husband’s moodiness?

Most helpful Ways to Handle a Moody Husband:

  1. Find out the possible reasons for a mood change
  2. Try not to be offended or upset by his behavior
  3. Don’t criticize him and make him feel stupid
  4. Say what you mean. Say exactly what you mean – effective communicators don’t beat around the bush.
  5. Try not to confront or fight him 
  6. Find out what could be helpful and beneficial

Usually, unstable husbands begin to receive special treatment from their wives. And from time to time, women surrender or do anything just to change the atmosphere, which makes it so much easier.

If you stand in the midst of the spectacle, it’ll only strengthen emotional outbursts and anger. And it will continue to happen. Your husband is probably seeking a dramatic response from you. 

If you isolate yourself from the show he is trying to perform, you will reduce his impulsive urge to begin the performance.

People simply don’t want to become different if they are constantly “given an award” for their (mis)behavior.

When you are in pain, you probably tend to control things. Don’t. You will exhaust yourself and destroy your marriage. Your husband doesn’t want a mother or an expert. 

Trying to be in the driving seat or to be in charge of the situation will break your heart and ruin your marriage. However, it doesn’t suggest that you should permit such behavior to go on or let him get away with it.  

Attack the problem, not the person.

If you can recognize a recurrent way of acting when it comes to your husband’s emotional instability, you may even detect some triggers that give rise to it or conditions which make them good or bad. 

In particular, if your husband gets angry and moody at someone or something time and time again, he might just want you to understand, not to help him.

After figuring this out, before you provide him solutions (which probably bothers him), just listen and make him aware you feel for him. Let him know that you understand why he feels in a certain way. 

This suggests forming a strategy in advance. Perhaps he wants to back off and spend time in peace for some time or get occupied with something he likes. 

Don’t surrender or accept these conditions, but provide your husband with what he needs. In these circumstances, you will regularly decrease the power and length of his outbursts.

It is perfectly normal to go through a rough patch in your marriage. But, if your husband is moody or angry all the time, despite all tolerance and support you give him, maybe it’s time to think carefully if you need such energy by your side. 

Especially if it involves suffering because of all his emotional rollercoasters. After being in a marriage with someone who is always moody, for some time, you are most likely aware of what it will look like in the future. 

Moreover, if he is aggressive or violent, it might be the right time to leave. If you make the right decision, at the right time – it will be less painful for both sides.

At the same time, if you choose to stay, you are choosing to love him throughout wild mood changes. 

So, bring the memories into your mind and remember all the reasons why you fell for your husband. Remember how you two have come all the way here.

Are his mood swings beyond my control?

Well, you should actually decide if your husband needs professional help.

An emotionally unstable spouse may have a hidden core issue, like depression, anxiety, or a personality disorder that requires treatment. There are numerous techniques for handling mood dysfunctions and depression.

If you think your husband has a problem and it is impossible to control it, start a discussion about seeking the assistance of a counselor, therapist, or specialist. It could require some negotiations to win your husband over to do it, but don’t quit. 

There are various techniques and remedies accessible that can significantly increase both you and your husband’s well-being.

So, if you are not in a position to regulate your husband’s behavior, don’t attempt to. Instead, concentrate on your attitude and try to keep it cool. Don’t take the mood swings personally

Your husband is lashing out at you, but the actual reason for his mood change is probably unrelated or irrelevant to you.

He may just be experiencing a hard time, especially if moodiness is not typical. For example, your husband could be tired, ill, anxious, or sad.

In such a case, when the underlying problem is solved, these intense emotional states will withdraw. 

He may also simply need to be encouraged. Nevertheless, if your husband is moody and grumpy all the time without any real motives, there could be a little bit more than that.

However, you should take responsibility (if there is any) for your reactions to your husband’s condition.

Have you ever intensified the situation with your response to it? If you react badly to your husband’s emotional instability, you will make this a whole lot worse. 

In particular, did you ever have an outburst of anger because he was upset? Perhaps you can’t control your husband’s mood, but you can affect it if you don’t manage your own. 

Losing yourself in your emotions might seem like a reasonable reaction and behavior when you don’t stop to think about it. But, keep in mind that your responses directly impact the duration and strength of your husband’s bad mood. 

However, remember that…

The mood will pass, but you need to protect your heart.

Your husband’s angry and moody instability will eventually die down, give it some time.

Just don’t forget this in situations when it appears to go on forever. It’s essential to be in a calm state of mind during your husband’s moodiness. 

It might require some space and separation. But, in a little while, the mood will fade, and you will be back on track. So, this too shall pass! 

Keep in mind that although you need to show empathy, you also need to pay attention to your own feelings. They are equally significant. You can’t allow being injured or hurt.

Disagreements in marriage can result in your desire to isolate yourself or to shut off. It can make you bitter and furious as well. Still, you don’t have to continue along this path.

Beware of your desire to accuse your husband of your emotional state or letting yourself have outbursts at other, innocent people. Loving your husband doesn’t mean neglecting the difficulties you have. 

Facing him with understanding and humility could reinforce your intimacy. Be mindful of your intentions. You can’t change your husband. You can only change yourself.

Related:

What To Do When Your Husband Chooses His Friends Over You
What To Do If You Feel Alone In Your Marriage
My Husband Hasn’t Touched Me In A Month, What Do I Do?
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