Is It Okay To Cheat If You Are In A Sexless Relationship?

by Daphne GarrettMay 8, 2022

When talking about sexless relationships, one question that comes up is whether or not it’s ok to cheat.

So, is it okay to cheat in a sexless relationship? While some may wonder if refusing sex is the same, or even if persistent abstinence justifies it, people ask a few questions when it comes to this.

The simple answer is no.

A sexless relationship isn’t an excuse to cheat on your spouse, even if you haven’t had sex for a long time. So we’re going to tackle this here and why it isn’t okay to do it.

Cheating isn’t always just sex.

Here’s the thing: cheating isn’t just sex.

It could be sex, but there is also emotional cheating and spending more time with them rather than your spouse.  This, of course, hurts your partner more than you think.

Emotional cheating is just as impactful because it shows you don’t care about the relationship.

Cheating hurts not just your partner but others too.

Sure, the temporary thrill and release can feel good during the moment for some, but there’s no justification.

Cheating is cheating, and you have to remember that your partner is not obligated in the least to satisfy all of your needs within the relationship.

While yes, this may be a hard truth to understand, remember that if you two have trouble, the key is to talk it out.

But understand that cheating isn’t just having sex with someone. It takes many forms.

Giving your attention to another person, emotionally investing yourself in someone who isn’t your partner, that’s a huge problem.

And no matter what they may decide in terms of their sexual needs, you must understand that choosing to cheat is not okay in any regard, even if the relationship is sexless.

For some, they might believe sex is a duty in a relationship and that it’s something you must do. Unfortunately, that isn’t necessarily the case.

You’re not owed sex, and most of the time, if you engage in extramarital affairs, you’re hurting your partner on more than just a physical level, but on a much deeper level as well.

It impacts more than just your relationship with your partner.

This does impact more than just your relationship with your partner.

If you have children, you need to explain to your child why you cheated on your spouse.  If you’re not married, you’ll have to explain to your friends and family why you hurt your partner like that.

It can destroy your relationship, and not only will hurt them but you as well.

Have you ever heard of cheater’s guilt?

This happens whenever you cheat on someone. Even when you cheat as a means to cope with a sexless marriage, it will still destroy things.

Plenty of people think that it’s totally justifiable just because you satisfy your needs.

Except it’s not.

You have to deal with the guilt of your actions, especially if you’re struggling with breaking up. If you decide to go to therapy to deal with this, you’ve got to uncover not only why you cheated but the reasons for cheating as well.

Many don’t realize that cheating isn’t just a “hey, I’m seeking out needs outside of a relationship.” It’s actually investing time, effort, and energy into the other person, hurting not only your spouse but yourself as well.

With a sexless relationship, sometimes people will cheat because they want to feel affection on that level. However, it also creates guilt, the desire to lie and hide, and many other problems.

It also shows you don’t respect your partner either, which means that you don’t see them as someone worth putting at a higher level.

If you’re dating or starting a long-term relationship, cheating can instantly destroy it. You two might break up.

For long-term relationships, it gets even worse, hurting yourself and others and impacting everything on deeper levels, creating trust issues for many people.

The simple answer is no. It’s not okay. It spans a whole slew of levels, creating deeper problems that will impact your life forever.

If you still love your partner and wish to save your relationship, relationship coaching could be a solution.

Sometimes, coaching can turn dysfunctional relationships into functional ones by helping both partners reconcile. Read more about it here.

If you’re going to explore extramarital relations, talk to your partner about open marriages. 

Now that you know that you shouldn’t cheat, what do you do in a sexless relationship?

The biggest thing to do is to talk it out. Then, you need to figure out how to meet each other’s needs in a sexless relationship.

You need to discuss what is considered cheating and what isn’t.

For some people, the introduction of open relationships is the answer.

Now open relationships, you gotta be careful with. But, on the other hand, they sometimes work, and it could be a viable option in many cases.

But a lack of communication creates a lot of problems.

However, another option is to acknowledge the sexual needs of your partner and figure out a way to meet in the middle. For example, maybe you two can have sex more frequently.

Or if it isn’t going to work because they’re asexual and you’re not, then the relationship will have to end.

But the key thing here is to understand that you’ve got two options:

  1. Ending the relationship before it gets worse.
  2. Coming to a compromise to allow for the partner in need to get sexual fulfillment.

Whether this second option involves seeking sexual fulfillment in other places or maybe working to have more sex, that’s ultimately up to you.

But cheating isn’t justified in sexless marriages. There is still pain, it still hurts, and it’s essential to understand that you’re impacting many people’s lives by cheating.

Even if you two haven’t had sex in a long time, or maybe you learned you’re not as asexual as you think, you two need to work together to figure this out.

If nothing else, if there is nothing you can do, absolutely nothing that’ll fix this, then maybe ending the relationship before it gets too deep is the best option.

Recommended: Can Relationship Coaching Help Improve Your Sex Life?

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