How To Get Over Insecurities After Being Cheated On

by Maria MagleoJune 4, 2021

Love and relationships can be a source of happiness for most people, but they can cause a lot of stress, anxieties, and even insecurities for some, after being cheated on.

The reality is that some relationships are not built with trust and commitment, resulting in infidelity and a broken heart.

If you were one of those who your present or previous partner cheated on, it is normal to develop trust issues and to feel insecure.

But always remember that you don’t have to live in that predicament for the rest of your life. 

You see, it may sound cliché to say that there will always be a rainbow after the rain, but it is true, even for those who feel stuck and lost because of a failed relationship.

You will get over the insecurities.

And you will regain the confidence that was stolen from you by the person who cheated on you.

Most importantly, you will get back the trust that was lost when they loosely used it for their own selfish reasons.

But take note that these things do not happen overnight.

It will take a lot of time and will need a lot of effort, especially for those who suffered extreme emotional trauma because of this selfish act, but healing is still possible.

You just have to do it one step at a time. And the best thing to do is to focus on getting over the insecurities first, and the rest will follow.

Here are some steps on how to get over your insecurities after being cheated on and so you can be on your way to being genuinely happy again.

8 Steps To Get Over Your Insecurities

1. Recognize the fact that healing must start within you

The very first and most crucial step in getting over your insecurity is to set your heart on healing.

The thing is, the damage caused by the betrayal of your partner can be very overwhelming. It may even seem like the pain, and the hurt won’t go away.

However, do not lose sight of the fact that healing is just around the corner.

But for you to get there, you must first recognize that healing doesn’t come from other people. It should always come from you.

Forgive, but don’t wait for them to apologize and explain before you decide that enough is enough and that it’s time to move forward.

Choose to heal because you know in your heart that you deserve peace, and you deserve to feel better. Because you know that you deserve to be happy again.

As you may already know, living in pain and regret is easier than healing, but it won’t lead you anywhere.

What’s worse is that you will only bring this baggage to your future relationships, setting them up to fail. 

Granted that the healing process is hard, but the result is always worth the discomfort.

2. Stop blaming yourself

One way to heal and get over your insecurities is to let go of the negative thoughts that were triggered when your partner cheated.

That is, stop asking yourself why and get rid of all the “what-ifs” and “shoulds” floating in your head. These tyranny-of-the-shoulds will only make you feel worse. 

“I should be more pretty. That way, he won’t cheat on me again.”

“I should have been more fun, more understanding, more successful. Maybe she wouldn’t have cheated on me.”

“What if I wore more make-up and sexy clothes? Would he have stopped cheating if I did?”

Now, how can you be so sure that these are the reasons why your partner cheated on you in the first place?

Unbeknownst to many people, there are several reasons why people cheat, and it’s not always the faithful one’s imperfections that cause it. 

So, end those unnecessary negative thoughts and stop being hard on yourself.

After all, if you know you gave your best in your relationship, then that’s what really matters.

3. Start practicing self-love and self-care

The pain of betrayal can often lead a person to a dark place, and although it seems normal, it’s not healthy – may it be physical or emotional.

And most often than not, people tend to always give their all to their partner or in their relationship, leaving the person empty when the relationship ends.

If you’re that kind of person, and all your efforts went to waste after your partner cheated, it’s time for you to face it head-on and start moving.

As you know, if your partner has cheated, another good way to get rid of your insecurities is to start loving yourself again when you practice self-care.

Mourn if you need to, but only do it for an appropriate amount of time. 

After that, go back to the gym, eat healthy meals, sleep well, try mindfulness, and practice positive affirmations.

4. Focus on self-development

While you were in your relationship, maybe you had that one skill you’ve always wanted to improve but didn’t have the time to do so.

Maybe you wanted to enhance your career, or you wanted to shift. Perhaps you wanted to move to another city to apply for your dream job.

Now is the time to do those things and to focus on your self-development. May it be a new skill, a new hobby, or anything related to your career. 

You see, self-development will make you feel proud of yourself – seeing that you have finally accomplished the things you’ve always wanted to do.

And as a result, you will gradually regain the confidence you lost when your partner cheated on you.

5. Find your passion or do what you love

While you were still unaware that your partner had cheated on you, did your insecurities stir up back then? Did you find yourself adjusting and morphing your hobbies and interests with theirs?

And then, after finding out about the infidelity, were you unsure if you really liked doing those things?

Or maybe now you hate doing all those things because it reminds you of your partner and their infidelity?

Being in a relationship, we often feel like we must always adjust to our partner’s interests to be successful.

You see, adjustments are necessary, but they should come from both parties.

And we should commit to being true to ourselves even when we’re in a relationship because it’s vital to our personal growth.

After what happened, you might feel lost because you no longer know what things will make you happy.

You might have forgotten about the things that make you giddy, excited, and passionate.

If you do, now’s the time to explore. Find what you love and do it as much as you can.

After all, this is another way of practicing self-love, and self-love will lead to feelings of security and happiness

6. Do soul searching if you need to

The thing about healing and moving past the pain and trauma is that it won’t erase everything with a mere snap of your fingers.

You might be having a good time with your colleagues or friends, and the unwanted painful memory suddenly appears in your brain.

Or you’re finally doing what you love, and all at once, you start to wonder why it all happened to you, how you ended up in this kind of situation.

Having these thoughts out of the blue is normal, especially if you’re still in the process of acceptance, healing, and finding peace within you.

Of course, it’s typical to question something you do not understand, but dwelling on things you can no longer change won’t help in your recovery.

If you feel like you need more time to process everything, do soul searching if you must. Go to a foreign place, be one with nature, and take the time to reflect.

Think about the things you can and cannot change, and focus on which is more important to your healing. 

Reflect on the things that could contribute to your happiness and what you could do to achieve them.

When you get right down to it, you’ll realize that mindfulness is key to fostering positive thoughts.

7. Never settle for less

Being secure about yourself means that you know what you deserve.

So, if you truly want to get over the insecurities, you must also learn to break the vicious cycle of passively accepting emotional abuse caused by the fact your partner has cheated on you.

Even when you’re still having insecurities and are not fully healed yet, it is better to start affirming yourself of your worth.

As you might already know, our brain is very powerful; thus, positive thoughts will manifest positive outcomes.

If you start thinking of yourself as someone who is worthy and deserves the best, you are slowly but surely attracting positive people and relationships in your life.

8. Establish healthy boundaries

The last and final step in getting over your insecurities is to establish healthy boundaries.

Just like not settling for anything less than you deserve, it is another way of avoiding the repetition of what you’ve been through.

Remember, you already are on your way to recovery, getting over your insecurities, getting over the fact that your partner has cheated, and building a better relationship with yourself.

Do not sabotage your progress by sliding back into old habits, allowing toxic people and relationships in your life, and staying in the dark.

If seeing your ex on social media causes another heartbreak, unfollow them.

Or if going back to places you once visited with your partner makes you remember the pain of betrayal and makes you feel insecure again, don’t go back there.

Focus on what’s important, and that is to heal from the betrayal and regain the confidence you lost after being cheated on.

Conclusion

Learning that the person you loved and trusted has cheated on you can be extremely traumatic.

It may leave you avoiding any other forms of commitment, develop trust issues, and carry emotional baggage that may ruin future relationships.

But even so, you can still get past the pain and get over the insecurities caused by your partner’s infidelity, no matter how impossible it may seem.

Related:

Can Marriage Survive Infidelity? (Infographic)
I’m Not Attracted To My Husband After He Cheated, What Should I Do?
Here’s What Cheating Does To A Woman’s Self-Esteem
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