When we say “marriage,” we usually think of words like union, sacrament, and probably partnership. So, when you discover that your husband is cheating or has cheated, it’s only natural that you want to divorce him.
As Mignon McLaughlin, an American journalist and author, said:
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
Both people in the marriage should make a conscious effort to commit and fall in love repeatedly if they wish for it to thrive.
But what happens when the trust has been shattered because of a reckless and irresponsible decision to cheat?
How can a marriage go on if one cannot fulfill the vows and commit to the same person anymore?
Getting betrayed by someone close to us is one thing, but getting betrayed by a spouse is entirely different. It reaches a whole new level of sorrow and heartache.
If you’re a woman whose husband is cheating or has cheated, you probably feel a strong desire to divorce, followed by angry, abandoned, and confused thoughts. These reactions are all normal.
After all, you probably question your worth and what you could have possibly done to deserve this kind of trauma.
And, alongside these overwhelming emotions, you are most likely to have no idea how to deal with this newfound information properly and what to do next.
Here, I will share some tips on getting over your cheating husband and the things you will need if you are thinking about divorcing him.
5 Tips To Get Over Your Cheating Husband
Being married, you probably never thought about the possibility of having to move on and divorce your husband.
Of course, you already set the rest of your life with him and the family you built together. So, being in this kind of situation can be pretty overwhelming.
Maybe you are scared that you might not be able to find happiness again without him. Or you’re probably anxious that you might not be able to get over him.
But the thing is, moving on and getting over someone may be difficult, but with enough determination, you will be able to move forward with your life.
- Feel what you need to feel
- Let go of all the self-blame and the hatred
- Rediscover who you are
- Practice self-care
- Seek counseling or therapy
1. Feel what you need to feel
Having been cheated on after years of marriage, you will surely feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster ride.
There will be shock, confusion, depression, anxiety, anguish, loneliness, and so on. The best thing to do here is to allow yourself to feel them all.
You see, by recognizing these emotions, you are also allowing yourself to feel better.
If you avoid these negative emotions and refuse to face them head-on, you will only prolong your agony, and there won’t be genuine healing on your end.
Yes, you may look unaffected now, but what happens after months of avoidance? All the shunned emotions will surely get back at you in the worst way possible.
But when you openly acknowledge that his betrayal has hurt you, you are already on your way to healing and moving forward with your life.
And once you’re fully healed, there’s nothing else he could do that would ruin the self-image you rebuilt for yourself.
2. Let go of all the self-blame and the hatred.
The sad thing about your husband cheating on you is that you weren’t the culprit, and yet, you’re the one who suffers the most, resulting in the divorce.
You will feel like you had lots of shortcomings, that you weren’t enough, that you were the one to blame for what had happened in your marriage.
But, let me tell you this, self-blame is just another roadblock in your recovery, and so, you have to do everything in your power to get rid of it.
That doesn’t mean that you should place the blame on your husband.
Blaming him, saying bad things about him, and seeking revenge won’t help get over him.
Instead, you are only placing more importance on him by doing so. That is because you are still giving him the power to destroy you.
To get over someone, you have to first get over the things they did to you. And so, if you open your heart to forgiveness, you are also opening your heart to healing.
3. Rediscover who you are
Being lost is probably one of the worst feelings you can have after your husband’s betrayal.
You don’t know who you are anymore because you already based it on him and in your relationship. Thus, making it hard for you to get over him.
But, who were you before he came into your life? Before he became your husband?
Take the time to reflect and rediscover who you are as an individual. Not as your kids’ mom or your husband’s wife.
This will help in regaining your confidence and taking your power back.
4. Practice self-care
If you genuinely want to get over and divorce your cheating husband, do not stop taking care of yourself. Exercise, go out with your friends, eat healthy foods.
Why would any of that matter, you ask?
If you practice self-care, you are also practicing self-love. And learning how to love yourself right now is what’s important.
You see, by truly loving yourself, you will see your worth, you will realize what you truly deserve, and as a result, you won’t allow any toxicity and mistreatments in your life anymore.
5. Seek counseling or therapy
As you may have realized by now, being cheated on by your husband could trigger many negative thoughts and emotions, and possibly, emotional trauma.
Most of the time, it will be hard to deal with it all by yourself. And at times, you’ll find yourself coping through engaging in unhealthy and toxic behaviors.
Seeking counseling or therapy will help you go through the healing process by regaining control over your thoughts and emotions in a way that won’t destroy you.
Things You Will Need For Divorce
Now that you are aware of your husband’s cheating, you are probably considering divorce.
Wanting to separate from the cause of your pain is a normal reaction, but before you go ahead and file, there are some essential things to consider.
That is, you have to be financially and emotionally prepared. Because, of course, it will take a lot of time, money, stress, and even anxieties.
To enlighten you about the topic, I made a short and simple checklist of the things you might need when filing for a divorce:
- Talk to your kids about the divorce
- Hire a good divorce attorney
- Prepare the necessary documents
- Prepare yourself for the future
To explain them to you:
1. Talk to your kids about the divorce
Before you file, take into consideration how it will affect your kids in the long run.
Divorce doesn’t always end badly for the kids, but you will have to find the best way to tell them about your plan.
Just like you, it will be normal for them to have negative emotions.
But with your guidance and support, your kids will come to understand that you did it for a good reason and that it wasn’t your intention to hurt them.
2. Hire a good divorce attorney
This is probably one of the most important things to remember when filing for a divorce.
Of course, not all divorces would need litigation, but even so, hiring an attorney who can fight for you when the need arises is still necessary.
When considering who to hire, make sure that he or she has enough experience (probably five to ten years), has a good track record, and is knowledgeable in the area of divorce.
It is also essential that you work alongside an attorney with who you are comfortable with, as it will be easier for you to share sensitive details and other concerns you might have.
3. Prepare the necessary documents.
Of course, money is of the essence here, but aside from that, there are some other essential things you will have to prepare.
There’s a long list of paperwork you will have to put together, such as financial statements, proof of assets, insurance policies, and so on.
As mentioned earlier, divorce can also be time-consuming, so you might want to start compiling all the necessary documents as early as you can.
4. Prepare yourself for the future.
Finalizing the divorce can also mean that there is a significant change awaiting you. And sometimes, it can be pretty scary.
You are about to enter a new chapter in your life where your husband is no longer beside you, and your family is not as it was before.
You might get a new place, find a new set of hobbies, or even try dating again.
Regardless of what’s to come next, be prepared and find the courage to do them all on your own.
Healing is the most critical part of getting over and divorcing a husband that was cheating on you.
And, sometimes, part of healing might include wanting to leave the marriage.
If you decide that divorce is what you need to heal, remember to consider the things you might need – financially and emotionally.