Trust issues arise out of fear when you meet someone. You may fear being betrayed, manipulated, or having your secrets exposed to the world.
Thinking this way is something people need to handle. Most people are good and are not going to hurt you. However, there are several valid reasons to feel this way.
1. Past Experiences
Our experiences, especially at a younger age, can shape how we feel today. Many people with trust issues have had betrayals in the past, especially if they were manipulated and didn’t see the signs.
There are many ways this can happen. For example, you may have had a romantic relationship when you were younger where you gave your heart and soul to the person you loved, and then they betrayed you.
Trust issues don’t have to stem from lovers, either. They can come from your parents. Maybe your parents betrayed your trust somehow, or other family members did.
Past experiences are a valid reason to be more cautious with other people, even if they weren’t the person who betrayed you.
2. Having Some Skepticism Is A Good Trait
With any part of life, having some reasonable caution is good. When you first meet someone, not wanting to tell them your secrets or give your life to them just yet is perfectly valid.
Of course, the keyword is reasonable. With time, and as you build trust, you can start to loosen those worries. However, when you first meet someone, making sure that they won’t betray your trust isn’t a bad thing, as long as you handle it correctly.
3. Be Very Mistrusting Of Strangers Online
If your relationships are online, this is a big reason that your trust issues are valid.
You never know who you’re talking to, and what they are going to do with the information you give them. Online, everyone is behind a screen, and that can make some people more open to betray you. They may believe that there are no consequences for their actions.
Caution online is a reasonable move to make, and having trust issues with the people you talk to.
4. You’ve Seen Someone Else Be Betrayed
Another reason why you may have trust issues is that you have seen others be betrayed.
If you’re an empathetic person who sees other people’s suffering and can put yourself in their shoes, you may end up feeling awful for how these people were treated. You may, as a result, develop trust issues of your own. And that’s perfectly valid!
5. A Surprising Amount of People Are Pathological Liars
Lying is one of those issues we are told to avoid. We must be as honest as we can. Some people may add more nuance to this topic by accepting white lies, or the occasional lie to get yourself out of trouble.
However, not everyone is a pathological liar, right?
You may be surprised. There have been several studies that have revealed a surprising amount of people lie frequently. The numbers can differ depending on the study, but they range from 10-13 percent.
Ten percent may not seem like a lot, but you meet many people. These aren’t tiny odds. There’s a good chance you know a few pathological liars here and there. It’s perfectly acceptable to want to be critical of people’s words.
6. Some People Reveal Their True Selves With Time
We should mention that taking your time in knowing a person isn’t a bad move to make. Many people jump into a relationship and end up regretting it when that person reveals their true selves.
Some people seem nice at a glance, but when you get to know them, their mask comes off. They may have abusive behavior or be a manipulator.
Having a trust barrier that lasts for a while may help prevent you from falling victim to a person’s true self.
7. You Have Reasons to be Suspicious of a Person
Finally, you may have valid trust issues if you are in a relationship with someone and you start seeing evidence that they are being deceitful to you.
For example, maybe the person is coming home really late at night, or you see suspicious transactions in their bank account.
They may be extra protective when on the computer or phone. The person you’re with may suddenly start improving their appearance for no reason.
These are valid reasons to develop trust issues, and if you are in a relationship with someone who is doing all of the above, it may be time for you to confront the person and find out what they are doing.
Toxic Things You Should Stay Away From
While having some trust issues is a good thing, they can go too far. Here are some ways your trust issues can turn toxic.
Snooping Through Their Stuff
If you simply don’t trust someone and you decide to snoop through their phone, their belongings, or other personal belongings, this is something you should avoid.
Even if you feel like you have a reasonable suspicion on the person, you should still try to avoid doing this if you can.
Being Confrontational Too Early
If someone new to you starts being interrogated or feels like they are a bad person for being with you, this is a sign you may want to tone things down. It’s okay for you to want that person to prove they are trustworthy, but do not treat them like a potential criminal. This may turn people away.
Not Opening Up
Finally, while you should pace yourself when opening up, not opening up at all can be toxic. You may end up bottling everything up as a result, and this can be bad for your well-being.
Therapy Can Help
If you feel like you have extreme trust issues, talking to a relationship therapist about it can help you have a reasonable trust issue with someone. Sometimes, your trust issues can be due to unresolved trauma, and a relationship therapist can help you with that.
We hope your relationships are as trustworthy as possible. Good luck.