Dealing With A Marital Affair In 5 Simple Steps

by Maria MagleoFebruary 20, 2022

Marital affairs can be one the quickest ways to destroy even the most seemingly perfect marriage, so how should you deal with one?

We all know that no marriage is perfect, but regardless of how flawed your marriage is, things shouldn’t come to the point where infidelity feels like the best solution.

In your case, infidelity has already barged into your relationship, and there’s no doubt that you’re in pain and feeling overwhelmed by this tragic discovery.

You might be feeling confused and tempted to act on impulse, but as enticing as it is, it would only do harm.

And so, you must bear in mind that there are better ways of dealing with an affair that won’t involve violence or too much drama. No mess. Just a smooth confrontation.

If you’re wondering how to deal with a marital affair in a healthy manner, here are 5 steps you can follow.

1. Fact-Check

First and foremost, finding out that your spouse is cheating will make your blood boil, but there is no need to go berserk and point fingers right away.

Here’s what you should do – breathe. Relax. And do some fact-checking. Now, maybe you’re thinking – “why need to fact-check when I am confident that something’s going on?”

It’s because infidelity is a very sensitive topic and being wrongly accused of having an affair could deeply offend your partner.

Even if you’re sure that your spouse is cheating, you should double-check your facts and gather sufficient evidence that supports your claim.

Not only will it back you up in your accusations, but it will allow you to dismantle their arguments.

2. Talk To Your Partner Calmly

It may sound unpleasant and wounding to have this “talk,” but it’ll happen sooner or later. Avoiding it or doing it frantically is never good.

In that case, I suggest you take your time to calm your nerves and clear the fog in your head. As you may already know, strong emotions can cloud judgment.

Additionally, it’s best to always remember that confrontations must be done calmly, without any form of hostility and resentment.

Keep in mind that the main point of this conversation is to learn and not to win. To actively listen and not argue.

Talk about what happened and how your marriage suddenly came to this. Ask all you need to know.

3. Reflect Upon Your Partner’s Story

You heard your spouse’s side of the story, now it’s time that you listen to your own. Do your sides of the story align? Are you at fault? Or are they just blaming you for their wrongdoings?

The thing is, with all the things you learned, you need to think about whether they deserve your forgiveness or not and how it will affect your marriage in the long run.

4. Decide What To Do Next

When a marriage reaches rock bottom, there are only two options left and you know what they are. It’s a tough decision, but you must choose if you’re going to stay or not.

The problem is, if you decide to stay, there is no guarantee that your marriage will heal. Again, you’re at rock bottom, and it was your spouse’s infidelity that sank the marriage.

It’s going to be a tough journey trying to heal this kind of wound and if I’m being honest, most marriages that go through infidelity don’t survive the emotional trauma caused by it.

This is why most married couples opt for divorce when an affair occurs. Because when you think about it, it’s the most plausible thing to do – emotion, time, and money-wise.

However, if divorce is a tough call for you but staying is no longer an option, you can just do legal separation where you’re still legally bound but not living together.

The downside, though, is it’s not a permanent separation.

5. Follow Through

At this point, I hope you’ve already made up your mind. I know it’s never an easy decision to make, especially if others will be affected, but it needs to be done.

Now, what’s important is that you commit to whatever decision you make and don’t stop when things get tough.

If you can’t stay with your spouse anymore, you can file for divorce. It may seem intimidating, but trust me, it’s 1000 times better than having to deal with a toxic marriage.

If you don’t know what to do or where to start when it comes to divorce, you can find some tips about it here.

If you choose to stay, tough times would seem like an eternity especially when your emotions are being tested. The best thing to do here is to go to therapy with your spouse.

Conclusion

Finding out about a marital affair can be extremely painful and oftentimes it’s very hard to deal with due to the surge of negative emotions that can cloud one’s judgment.

So, take as much time as you need.

If you want smooth confrontations and an ending that won’t hurt you more, you must approach things in a methodical manner, as opposed to a more emotional approach.

Recommended: 3 Things You Need To Do Before A Divorce

Related:

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}
>