Marriages have their fair share of problems, but what if your husband has cheated, would you be able to forgive him?
I’ve always heard people saying that if you truly love someone, you must be willing to look past their mistakes and forgive them with all your heart. Love is patient and kind, after all.
However, I’ve also heard people say that everything has its limits, so this should apply to love and relationships too, right?
The thing is, sometimes we don’t know the true meaning of “enough is enough.” We could be taken for granted millions of times, and yet, we still stay. Why? Because of love.
But, if I’m being honest, love is powerful and hopeful. This is probably the main reason why most people who have been hurt deeply still choose to stay with their partners.
They’re hoping that their love could change their partners and while it sounds impossible, there are a lot of success stories out there. But it all depends on a lot of things.
Now, you’re here because your husband cheated on you and even though you love him, the pain and hatred are all too consuming. You don’t know if you could forgive his betrayal.
While I’m not here to tell you exactly what to do, I’m here to help you find a better path so you could decide on what is best for you in the long run.
How Hurt Are You?
I know this isn’t a question that is very easy to answer, but I want you to remember that you’re the only person who has the ability to answer it.
Take a moment and go back to that day when you found out about your husband’s infidelity. Can you remember your reaction? Can you feel the exact emotions you had back then?
You see, infidelity can bring about a lot of negative emotions – there is the trauma, the anguish, the blame, the guilt, the helplessness. Will you be able to move past them?
Because, the truth is, forgiving your husband doesn’t necessarily mean that you would be able to let go of those negative emotions right away. It will take a lot of time and effort.
Additionally, the level of your hurt will determine your ability to forgive.
After all, some pain is just too much to bear, and knowing that the person you deeply love is behind that pain makes it even harder to heal.
And so, with the pain you’re feeling right now, do you think he deserves your forgiveness?
What If You Don’t Forgive Him?
Here’s a hard pill to swallow: not everyone deserves forgiveness, no matter how much you love them and want them in your life, because love just cannot simply fix everything.
The sad thing is, he may be truly sorry for his actions, but what about its devastating impact on you? The negative consequences of his actions that you will have to pay for?
You felt guilty and blamed yourself, that you weren’t enough. That maybe, the other woman was so much better than you and that you will never be good enough for anyone.
If the impact of his infidelity is extremely destructive and traumatizing for you, then perhaps he doesn’t deserve your forgiveness.
And if you’re not going to forgive him, then there’s one choice left for you but to part ways.
As a matter of fact, I’d say there are more reasons not to forgive him than otherwise, if you’re interested, you can read more about those reasons here.
And What About Forgiving Instead?
Of course, you are here because you’re considering the possibility of forgiveness and I can assure you that it’s okay if you still want him in your life despite what happened.
However, I want to be straightforward with you that he only deserves your forgiveness if he’s truly and deeply sorry for what he did to you.
In other words, he should be genuinely remorseful that he betrayed you and broke your trust.
Now, if this is the case and you’re ready to start again, be aware that rebuilding your trust will take a lot of time. There is no shortcut in healing nor a quick fix to a broken heart.
You might probably need to go to therapy to process what happened and deep dive into other possible issues your marriage might have.
If you wish to learn more about what therapy may do for you and your marriage, you can read more about it here.
Love is complicated. It gives us reasons to stay, but it’s best to remember that staying isn’t always the best option. It always depends on the situation you’re in.
Now, your husband cheated and you have two choices: forgive him or not. It’s never easy to answer these kinds of questions but here’s the bottom line:
Ask your heart but never forget to ask your mind. Love may be important, but you should also consider what you think is best for you today and in all of your “tomorrows.”
Whatever you decide to do, never forget to take the path towards healing.