While it’s not always common, when you do, it can cause gut-wrenching feelings. There are a lot of people who may have questions about their husband’s mistress.
But why do it?
Confronting the mistress and asking these questions do the following:
- Offers closure.
- It helps you figure out what’s really going on.
- Helps you better understand why he cheated.
If it happens, great. But confronting the mistress isn’t always the solution.
It rarely happens, but when it does, it may be worth the effort.
Here are the 7 best questions to ask and why you should.
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1. “When did he get around to seeing you without arrangements?”
You may wonder how they managed to get around you, especially if your husband typically doesn’t talk to many women.
You may wonder how in the world they did it. But her answer can give you some evidence to help you when confronting your cheating husband too.
In some instances, the person he cheated on you with is doubtful, so you have to make sure you get the exact reasons why someone cheated so that you can figure out what to do next.
2. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Sometimes if the mistress is a close friend, you might wonder why they didn’t tell you.
That’s because it can make you feel like you made the mistake of trusting them, especially if they are a close friend.
Many people who are done dirty by a friend feel this way. If you had a close bond and a trusted relationship, this could be a question to ask.
There is also a betrayal of trust in that you could’ve done something sooner, but nobody told you anything. This commonly happens when you’re not sure what to do next or where to go about this.
Some people wish they knew sooner. However, some believe that asking this question gives them a “free pass” even though technically, two wrongs don’t make a right.
3. “Did you fall in love, or was it manipulated?”
Some mistresses don’t really care about the husband and instead see this as a game where they can ensnare them.
It sucks to learn this one, but asking the mistress can help you understand the intention of the relationship too.
Some people learn that their mistress really did do this to ensnare them, so you’ll probably want to save him.
However, sometimes, you begin to realize that your husband is beyond saving if you find out there is something real there. He may even show signs he’s in love with her!
Finding that out – hurts, but knowing whether or not this is a game for the two of them is important to understand, especially if you worry about whether or not you can save a broken marriage.
If you do find out she’s just playing games with him, you could try to convince him. However, in a lot of cases, he may be beyond saving.
4. “Do you really care for him?”
This goes along with the other questions you may have already asked your husband’s mistress.
The mistress might not fully care for your partner like you did. She may be doing this for attention or a notch on the bedpost.
If she does, this can hurt, but in many cases – confronting her with this question helps you understand what her intentions were the entire time, whether they’re good or otherwise.
Many people struggle to accept that sometimes the mistress will do this because she likes the attention, which doesn’t truly matter to her.
But, by asking if she really does care, you’ll be able to understand the nature of the relationship and whether or not this is something real or just a mere fling.
5. “Are you ready to care for him after the divorce?”
If their relationship is serious, you have to ask them if she’s willing to care for him in the event of a divorce.
Some women see this as a way to be a homewrecker. If that’s their intention, you need to ask this question.
Some mistresses cause trouble because they can. However, many mistresses do the opposite, where they will quickly admit that they do care for the other person, and it isn’t just them being a homewrecker.
Remember, you and your husband still have the “till death do us part” vows. So if the mistress only wants to cause trouble, you should take that information and let him know.
A mistress who doesn’t might really be in love with him. And quite often, they want to tear you apart. Your husband may also have feelings he’s not honest about.
This is a very touch subject to discuss, but the sooner you determine if this is real or not – the better.
6. “Will you love him after he’s exhausted all of his wealth and money on you?”
This can be one of the toughest questions to ask your husband’s mistress because it can come off as an insult.
Some mistresses are around solely because he’s giving her a bunch of money.
They’re typically called gold diggers, and usually, they just want money. Nothing more.
However, there’s only so much of that, and for a lot of mistresses, as soon as they’ve taken it all, they’ll bounce.
You’ll realize this when you see it. So many gold-digging women will embrace the fancy gifts they get from the husband, but then when it comes to actual steadfast love, they bounce before they ever agree to that.
You need to ask her because this will demonstrate how serious the relationship is. It also will demonstrate whether or not this was something serious between both parties or not.
A mistress who isn’t in it for the long haul will typically be upfront, but if they’re not, a quick look at all her fancy items will tell you everything you need to know.
If it’s not serious, she will leave. Whether you would like to pursue and repair the relationship is up to you.
7. “How do you plan on taking care of the kids?”
Finally, if she’s serious about sticking around and your husband wants this too, think about the kids too.
If you have kids together, co-parenting might be a thing. But on the other hand, if the mistress just wanted to cause trouble, she might not think about the kids, period.
However, asking how she plans to take care of the kids is important.
That’s because if you two get divorced and cannot work it out, the children will need to be considered.
But if she doesn’t want to, you can tell her that she doesn’t really care about the relationship and all that encompasses it.
Sometimes this is one of the hardest lessons you’ll learn. But in many cases, understanding that your partner might move can really hurt.
And if he doesn’t want to fix it, then that’s ultimately his decision.
With the mistress, it’ll tell you whether she’s serious about this or not.
Asking what her stance is, whether she’s just latching onto feelings or something more, is important because it lets you analyze what future you may have.
What Next?
Having asked your husband’s mistress those questions, what you need to do next is to gather evidence to figure out what to do about your husband’s cheating.
Based on your answers, one of three things will occur:
She’s:
- Serious and wants to start a future with him.
- Not serious and this is just a game.
- Considering the future.
You should look at where they both stand and, from there, figure out if the marriage is salvageable or not.
This can be a tough decision. That’s because so many people assume that their marriage is not salvageable. But that’s not necessarily the case.
In some cases, if the mistress isn’t serious, she will eventually leave. And after some counseling, your husband might stop his cheating ways. Though as tough as it may sound, you’ll have to learn to forgive him.
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