7 Hard Truths About Moving On From Someone You Once Loved

by Daphne GarrettMay 22, 2021

Moving on. Getting over it. Whatever you want to call it, most can agree that it’s not easy. The reason for this?

Someone you care about will stick to your mind, and it can be challenging for you to move on even if you caught them cheating.

Most people will experience a breakup in their lifetimes, but even if it’s an inevitable part of life, a breakup is still challenging to navigate.

There are many tough truths you may have to face when you are going through a breakup. This article will help you come face to face with some of them.

1. It Takes Time And You Can’t Force It

This truth can be hard to swallow. When you’re dealing with heartbreak, we understand that you want it all to end and for you to “get over” it. However, the healing process takes time.

How much time? That’s another truth that’s tough to swallow. It all depends from person to person. For some, it can take a month. Others, it may take a year.

The amount of time it takes may vary depending on how long the relationship was.

With that said, you can’t force yourself to get over a relationship that fell apart.

While you should live your life and not fall into depression, you should not be someone who tries to get into a rebound relationship because you miss being together or miss the person.

Rebounds rarely work, and it can just make your life worse depending on the type of rebound.

To put this in another perspective, realize that this may not be your last rodeo. You may end up breaking up with another person time and time again, especially if you’re a teen or young adult.

You have to prepare yourself for the harshness of relationships.

2. You Feel Like It’s Your Fault (And Maybe It Is)

When you break up with someone, you feel as though it’s your fault. You may feel start looking at every single action you’ve ever taken and hyper-analyze it to the point where you see mistakes that you may not have made.

We want to say you’re overthinking things, but the truth is that many people don’t look at themselves critically when breaking up. Instead, some people blame outside influences or other factors when the breakup happens.

Not to mention, many will blame their ex entirely for what happened. However, they may not take a critical look at their own actions and ego.

So you end up trapped between two extremes: the people who blame themselves for everything and those who don’t think they did anything wrong.

It would be best to write down ways you may have contributed to the breakup and look at them critically. This can help you determine if you may be to blame for the breakup.

One of the biggest reasons you may have messed up the relationship is not meeting your partner’s needs. But, of course, in a relationship, we have needs, be it sexual, social, or spiritual.

If you weren’t giving your partner their needs, this may be a reason for the breakup.

Of course, this does go both ways, where your partner may also have not been meeting any of your personal needs and understand your self-care needs. So don’t think you’re the monster in this relationship necessarily.

3. Getting Back Together Is Probably A Bad Idea

We get the idea of wanting to get back together with your ex to the point of fantasy. You may imagine yourself together with your ex, mending your mistakes and beginning anew.

This does happen. Don’t get us wrong. However, many don’t achieve this or have some on-again and off-again nightmare. So instead of fantasizing, you should probably look towards moving forward.

Fantasizing about what may not be likely is normal, but focusing on it too much may spell the end of your sanity.

After all, there’s a good chance that someone out there is a better match for you. With billions of people in this world, you may end up finding someone who is even better.

4. You Miss The Idea Of Your Ex, Not Your Ex In General

What do we mean by this? When you break up with your ex, you may imagine yourself in an idealized relationship with them.

You may create an image of them that uses their strongest qualities and rose-tinted glasses to look at how the two of you were.

In truth, you may not have been as together as you thought. Instead, you imagine yourself with an ideal version of your partner. Or, you like the idea of being together with someone, not liking the ex yourself.

To avoid this, look at your relationship critically. If you find yourself missing your ex, figure out why, and see if the reasons line up with the truth of your relationship.

If you find yourself missing only ideas or an early version of your ex was, then you need to take a look at yourself and realize that you only miss something that may have existed long ago, or not at all.

5. You May Have Ignored The Red Flags

When a relationship ends, you may act as though there were no indications that the relationship should have ended. It was as sudden as a car crash, right?

The truth is that when you’re in a relationship, you tend to ignore the signs that a relationship is ending or having problems.

When you look back at your relationship, you may notice all the communication breakdowns that lead to the end. You may notice how the two of you drifted apart.

Going back to the car comparison, a relationship is like a car that you did not take to maintenance until it was too late. You could have repaired the minor problem before it grew into something even bigger, but you did not.

6. You May Have Been In the Relationship For The Wrong Reasons

It happens to the best of us, where we believe that a relationship can fix all our problems.

Some will act as though you must have a perfect life before you get in a relationship, and while they are not necessarily right, many of us indeed go to a relationship thinking it will solve all our problems.

The truth is that to have a good relationship, and you need to be happy with yourself. Have confidence, be independent, and have a partner who will improve you, not fix you.

To look at this truth even further, one thing you have to realize is that some partners aren’t that into you.

They may have had the same goal, where they wanted someone who could fix them, and once they get out of that mindset, they may have realized that there is no value in the relationship.

This isn’t to say that you didn’t contribute anything to the relationship, but it’s a friendly reminder that sometimes, you may need to have a mutual love for each other and not use each other to cover up your flaws. 

7. The Recovery Will Hurt

When you are upset by a relationship, you may have strong beliefs that obscure the truth. You may believe in something that is not true, and one of those truths may be that it’s all going to be okay.

That’s right. Even though the world seems to be ending right now, the truth is that it will be okay in the future. The world won’t end, nor is this the end of your love life.

Instead, look to your own happiness. You deserve it. You are hurting, and this means that you are an empathetic human being. One thing to think about is what you can do for yourself.

Look at some hobbies you like or hobbies you want to get into. Ask yourself which of them you would like to do, and then do them.

This may sound simple enough, but the truth is that many people do not do this. It can be hard not to have a doomed mindset when the relationship ends but think more positively.

If you need to, talk to a therapist about it. Breakups mean that you should express your feelings, but it’s important to do so in a productive way. You can read more about it here.

Unfortunately, many people do not do that, which ends up biting them in the long run.

Conclusion

Breaking up is a challenge, and it can make us look at some harsh truths about ourselves.

Be critical, but also remember to take it easy and love yourself. Remember that the world will get better, even if it feels as though it stopped turning a while ago.

If you’re still worried, take a nice walk outside and enjoy the sights. Take everything one day at a time, and remember to take some time for yourself as well.

Recommended: When To Walk Away After Infidelity

Related:

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}
>