A broken marriage. What do you think of when you hear this phrase? You may imagine a couple who has had enough with each other and is about to sign those divorce papers.
You probably think of a marriage with too much trouble and won’t be fixed no matter what, where cheating occurs.
Broken marriages can be all of the above. Whether you’ve been doing nothing but fighting, have had a case of infidelity, or are just tired of each other, a broken marriage feels as though there’s no happy ending.
Especially with the fact that almost 50 percent of marriages in the US end in divorce.
However, there is hope to fix a broken marriage. This post will help you explain how.
Things You’ll Need Before You Can Rescue A Damaged Relationship
Before we list the five ways you can fix your marriage, we must first recognize that you and your partner need to do some things before you fix it. These include:
You’ll Both Need To Be Committed
The first part of this is realizing that you and your partner need to be committed to fixing the marriage.
If one person wants to fix the marriage, but the other person does not, this can be a problem.
Be Willing To Have A Civil Conversation
Marriages that end in divorce tend to involve a couple who has refused to listen to each other.
As a result, when you speak to your partner, you may feel like they are not listening, so you respond with your own venom.
Having a civil conversation is key here, and it may be something you have to work on. This may require both of you to have a mediator, such as a therapist.
Therapy is a powerful tool in a couple’s reconciliation, as it can offer a professional and unbiased take on your relationship issues.
If you want to learn more about this topic, you can check it out here.
You May Have To Hold Yourself Accountable
Another way you can repair your marriage? Admitting your faults.
Being told to say “sorry” is part of growing up, but many of us won’t admit we were wrong. Because of this, saying that you’re sorry for something happening may be tougher than you think.
However, it’s an essential component of growing up and keeping your marriage happy.
In addition, the two of you need to share responsibilities. This can mean taking turns taking out the trash, taking care of the children, and doing other life responsibilities.
Make a list of responsibilities, and be sure to continue honoring them.
Don’t Be Afraid To Seek Outside Help
While many of us would like to solve our issues on our own, don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist if you need some assistance. A relationship therapist or coach who specializes in helping couples can save your marriage.
If you think your marriage is too broken, don’t think this way. Coaching can help both of you to express more vulnerability. You can read more about that here.
Divorce May Still Be Inevitable
One lesson you need to learn when you are trying to fix your broken marriage is that, sadly, your marriage may still end in divorce.
There may have been red flags you missed, that indicated that.
If this is the case, the goal may be to have a civil divorce.
Be careful not to jump the gun and act solely based on emotions though, divorce is quite a big decision, and you must be absolutely certain that it is what you really want.
We recommend asking yourself these 9 questions to make sure you really want to divorce.
Once you’ve established a decent foundation for yourselves, you can begin implementing these 5 things:
- What Made You Love Each Other In The First Place?
- Why Does Your Marriage Feel This Broken?
- Try To Listen And Communicate
- Make Time, Not Excuses
- Make A Reconnection
1. What Made You Love Each Other In The First Place?
It’s a tale as old as time. The two of you have been at each other’s throats for so long that you end up not remembering why you loved each other to begin with.
Now is the time to recall why you’ve loved the person in the first place. Put yourself in the shoes of however old you were when you first met your partner.
What made you interested in the person, to begin with? What were their best qualities?
Write them all down, even if it sounds silly. These traits may still be present in the person you love. The issue is that you’ve been together with the person for so long that you may forget about the traits due to them always being there.
Once you realize the best qualities, you can try observing them and making them more present in your marriage.
2. Why Does Your Marriage Feel This Broken?
Think of your marriage’s problems as a mysterious illness. You need to diagnose the illness if you want to fix it, which may require some intense introspection on all sides.
Also, figuring out how your marriage fell apart can be a complex mental exercise. This is usually because there may not be a single cause for why this happened or a combination of multiple issues.
Usually, a broken marriage is due to several common occurrences, when all is said and done.
Marriages may fall apart due to poor or a lack of communication.
This is when you keep having communication breakdowns or miscommunications. In fact, a lack of communication may be the patient zero of your marriage falling apart, so to speak.
Marriages also fail because you and your spouse may have less affection towards each other. This may lead to infidelity or another breach of trust.
Another issue that leads marriages failure? A crisis. Someone dies, someone gets sick, someone loses their finances.
While any marriage will have its challenges, there are cases where it feels easier said than done.
Knowing why your marriage is falling apart can help you to find the right tools to fix it.
3. Try To Listen And Communicate
We all need to listen more to our partners; there are no “ifs”, “ands”, or “buts” about that. But, effective listening and communication can fix any broken marriage.
You may have been together with your partner for a long time, but this doesn’t mean your marriage won’t fall apart if you don’t learn how to communicate effectively
. Sometimes, your communication breaks down over time.
You may bottle up feelings that you don’t want to say to your spouse. You may start ignoring nonverbal messages and cues.
Also, you may assume you know what your spouse is about to say, which can cause anger when it ends up that your spouse had different intentions than what you interpreted.
To fix your marriage, be mindful of how you communicate. Are there any ways that you can improve your communication?
Can both of you learn how to speak your mind and do it in a way that sounds less confrontational? One method you can try, which has been tried and true, is to use less “you” language and more “I.”
For example, instead of saying “You never listen,” say “I feel as if my points aren’t being communicated well.”
4. Make Time, Not Excuses
One reason marriages fall apart? Both partners feel as if they don’t have time to spend with each other. We all get busy with work, hobbies, kids, and other responsibilities.
This can cause you to spend less time with your partner, making you drift apart. Then, when you do have time, it’s to argue about bills and other issues.
Do not have this mindset. No matter how busy life gets, making time for your spouse is key for having a marriage that lasts as long as possible.
How do you make time? Look at your schedule. Can you make any time to have a date? Is there a way for you to take a day off or reschedule other plans you may have? Can you make a plan and not have to rain-check it?
5. Make A Reconnection
Finally, find a way to reconnect. This goes hand-in-hand with the “make time” method, as it involves setting up a night for the two of you.
In fact, this combines all the above. When you reconnect, you:
- Remember why you’ve loved each other in the first place.
- Take a look at what you’ve done wrong.
- Talk to each other more.
- Make time for each other.
Doing all of the above may give your marriage a chance. You can have that reconnection you were looking for and then be able to move on together.
Remember, Marriages Have Their Hurdles
Every marriage will have its issues, and you may discover that your marriage was having issues because you did not take care of the problems early on.
Think of your marriage as a car that’s having problems.
If you ignore the problems and keep trying to drive forward like nothing is happening, then don’t be surprised if your marriage breaks down entirely.
In some cases, your marriage may have just have been a lemon. However, most marriages are fixable with a little bit of effort and introspection.
Act Sooner Rather Than Later
Doing these methods can help to improve your broken marriage. You are not going to fix your marriage overnight, so don’t expect instant results.
However, these methods are proven time and time again to show improvement.
When you learn how to communicate better, for example, you’re less likely to run into miscommunications that will doom your marriage.
Recommended: Can Relationship Coaching Help Save Your Relationship?