20 Signs That Reveal Your Spouse Is Cheating

by Joanne RogersApril 29, 2022

Whether they’re a wife or husband, they’ll both show similar signs of cheating. I know what it’s like to have something like this keep me up at night and it’s not pretty.

So how does one know what to look for to tell if their spouse is cheating or not?

Here are 20 signs to keep an eye on.

Recommended: 3 Clever Ways To Catch A Cheater

Celebration Tip: They are unimpressed by your gifts.

Whether it’s Valentines Day, a birthday or Christmas. If you notice that your partner isn’t excited as they should be about the gifts you get them, that’s a big sign they are either checked out of the relationship or they are into someone else. 

This is a recurring theme amongst people who get cheated on. This is because people who are into someone else don’t want to keep leading you on. And don’t forget that cheaters need reasons to be mad at you so they can continue to justify their actions. If they allow themselves to be happy about your gifts, it doesn’t allow them to justify their cheating. 

1. Your marriage is suddenly better than ever.

If your marriage is really great right now, I don’t want to burst your bubble but it could be a sign your spouse is a cheater. This goes more for the relationships that weren’t that great, and then out of nowhere, they’re amazing.

You might even be suspicious of it, and rightfully so. It’s not normal for something to go from bad or okay to amazing. It usually takes effort. So if it happened suddenly, there’s a chance that your spouse is getting their needs met elsewhere.

Anything you didn’t “bring to the table” wouldn’t be that big a deal to them. They’re already getting it from someone else. Now they can focus on the good parts about the marriage, which tend to make them happier and “appreciate” you that much more. Which will in turn, make you happy. (At a very great cost of course.)

2. They constantly accuse you of being a cheater.

A common thing found among cheaters, is they tend to accuse others of their own behavior. The reason for this is manipulative in nature. It’s called “gaslighting” and in a way, it’s meant to take the focus off of them and place it on you.

The gaslighter is cheating — they are planning the secret meetings with their lovers, and getting a rush from it. They are invested in keeping up the charade. To keep you off-kilter, they start accusing you of cheating. The goal is to keep you so busy defending yourself and being emotionally distraught that you don’t have enough time to pay attention to the gaslighter’s own behavior.

Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D., Psychology Today

If this is something your spouse is doing very often, it’s a big sign your husband or wife is having an affair.

3. They look better than normal, more often.

While we all appreciate it when our spouse dresses up nicely for us, it could also be indicative of a cheater. Just think about it.

When you’re single and looking to attract others, what do you do? You try to look your best more often. But once you’re in a committed relationship such as a marriage, this phase dies down. You don’t need to do it anymore. That’s not to say that you don’t want to impress your significant other. But let’s face it, that’s often not the case.

If you find that your spouse wasn’t caring about their looks that much, and then suddenly they are, there’s a strong sign of cheating going on.

Recommended: 3 Clever Ways To Catch A Cheater

4. They aren’t talking to you as much.

It’s normal for a marriage to get to a point where you aren’t communicating as much as you used to, but it shouldn’t get too bad. This type of thing is detrimental to your relationship.

Not only that, but it’s also a signal your spouse may be cheating. It’s often associated with an emotional affair.

Pretty much, your spouse might have not been getting the feedback they wanted from you whenever they would share a story with you. If this happens enough times, they try to look for someone else to share those stories with instead.

And once they find that person, they aren’t going to confide in you as much. Though this form of cheating is classified as “emotional infidelity,” it’s still cheating nonetheless.

5. They guard their phone with their life.

Technology is making it very easy for people to cheat, especially since they can keep in touch with “back-burners.”

Although everyone is entitled to privacy, cheaters are abnormally cautious of leaving their phone around their spouse. For example, if they have their phone connected to the car for music and then take it off just to pump gas? That’s abnormal.

Most people would just leave the music playing and pump the gas. But a cheater is uptight whenever there’s potential access to the device they use to make hidden arrangements with, and it’s near the person they’re trying to hide those arrangements from.

So if your husband or wife is weirdly protective of their phone, that’s a strong sign your spouse could be a cheater.

Lots even create online accounts to cheat with that you can be completely unaware of. We go over that in this article.

6. They’ve grown to be more disrespectful towards you.

Whether it’s the lack of caring or emotional abuse, when your spouse is increasingly showing disrespect towards you, they’re showing disrespect towards your marriage.

7. They’re constantly liking the same person’s posts on social media.

The other person is usually someone of the opposite sex. In fact, this could be multiple people. If you’re finding that your spouse is always liking the posts of the same people of the opposite sex over and over, it’s an indication of an affair. (Or at least that they want one.)

And though they might say they’re just a friend or a co-worker, just remember that 85% of all cheating starts in the workplace.

If this is the case, then you need to work on finding out for sure. If you don’t know what to do or where to start then check these tips out.

8. They constantly insist that you take a trip to get away.

Whether it’s a trip to go visit family or a vacation with your friends, it doesn’t matter. The reason why cheaters insist you do it is so they can spend more time with the person they’re cheating with.

Most cheating spouses are aware that these kinds of opportunities don’t happen often, that’s why they try to “make it happen.”

9. Unexplained charges on bank or credit card statements.

You may have heard of the phrase “financial infidelity.” It’s when your spouse hides charges from you by creating another account that you don’t know about.

This is a very big predictor of divorce. There’s a reason why cheaters want to hide their transactions. If where they tell you they’ve been doesn’t match up with the statements, their plot is foiled!

Sometimes cheating spouses are too lazy to do this and decide to use a shared account. Maybe they feel as if you’d never really check. But if there are indeed some odd charges on your shared accounts or if you find that your spouse has decided to make a new account, it’s a big sign of cheating.

Recommended: 3 Clever Ways To Catch A Cheater

10. Your gut is telling you.

That’s right. It’s an instinct we as a social species have. We can tell when something is off about our relationship. However, it’s not right all the time. So take that into consideration.

That’s why it’s important to do your research.

11. The intimacy has faded.

This is a classic tell-tale sign, and for obvious reasons too – they could be getting it elsewhere.

However I’ll say this – tread carefully, as there are many other possible reasons for lack of intimacy, and wrongfully accusing your partner is a no-no.

So it’s best to confirm the affair before jumping to conclusions and accusations. If you’re lost and don’t know what to do, try using tip #2 in the article we wrote here.

12. Their friends are acting differently toward you.

Often times, your spouse’s friends will know about the cheating going on before you do, if you ever do find out. This is for obvious reasons. People tend to share their escapades with their friends and even their family. There are some cases where this doesn’t happen and they’d rather keep it completely secret.

But if their friends do know, they’re more likely to act very uncomfortable around you. So pay attention to how their friends are acting towards you the next time you have some sort of social gathering.

If you’re feeling really bold, it might even be worth it to ask their friends if your spouse is cheating on you! Their response could be very telling, especially if you catch them off guard. They’ll most likely say no but it’s the body language you want to pay attention to. (Though this could prove to be risky if their friend ends up telling your spouse that you’ve asked such a question.)

Recommended: 3 Clever Ways To Catch A Cheater

13. Their routine has changed dramatically.

Most times, if your spouse wants to make a change in their routine, they would invite you to be part of that change with them.

In a long term marriage, we tend to get very set in our ways and patterns of daily life. You’ll know your spouse’s routine in and out. So if it changes up out of nowhere, that could be a sign that they’ve changed it up to make time for someone else. So pay attention to their routine and daily activities. There could be some very big signs of infidelity going on.

14. They’ve cheated in the past.

Is the saying: “Once a cheater, always a cheater” true? Maybe not. People do have the ability to change, especially for those they love.

However, studies have shown that people who’ve cheated in the past are more likely to do it again than the average person.

So if your spouse admitted to cheating before, whether it’s on you, with you or on another, just know that there’s a higher risk that they will do it again.

And if that’s the case, then you should check out this guide.

15. Higher use of social media out of the blue.

If your spouse never really used social media in the past, then all of a sudden they’re making posts more often, there’s a chance that they could be doing it to get more attention from their new & hidden lover.

This goes back to sudden change in behavior being a strong indicator of your spouse having an affair, only this is specific to online behavior.

16. They’re telling you a story they’ve already told you.

Now, if your spouse has always been this way, then it’s probably just normal for them. However, if they’ve recently started doing this, then it’s a sign your spouse could be cheating.

The reason? If your spouse wants to share a story with you, they probably think they haven’t told you yet. They know they told someone (their hidden other) but they aren’t sure if it was you they told. So they tell you anyway just to make sure.

However, there are cases where they’ve already shared the story with you but thought it was their hidden other instead. So they decide to tell you again.

Recommended: 3 Clever Ways To Catch A Cheater

17. They’ve become more judgmental towards your marriage or relationship.

This can be a sign of cheating but only when in combination with some other signs in the list.

The reason for it is because it can be common for people to bottle things up and then let it all out competely unfiltered.

Also, the reason this could be a sign of cheating is the fact that many cheaters will try to rationalize their actions this way. It makes them feel like cheating wasn’t a choice, it was a necessity.

They see it an “escape” from the horrors of their marital problems. But don’t mistake this for being the truth.

18. They avoid the conversation whenever you try to confront them on it.

The typical behavior of a cheating spouse when confronted is anger and gaslighting. You don’t need to look further than an episode of “Cheaters” to see this.

If you confronted them and they got angry, take a step back and evaluate everything. Do you have solid proof? Are they actually showing any signs of infidelity?

If so, then finding out for sure might be a better alternative, as you can’t really argue against facts. If you want to do that but don’t know where to start you can try the tips we laid out in this article to catch them in the act.

19. Finding any form of birth control laying around.

If you and your spouse regularly use condoms then this might not be an indicator. But if you don’t and you happen to spot one in the car or in the room, that’s a strong sign there’s an affair going on.

Recommended: 3 Clever Ways To Catch A Cheater

20. If they never use their phone around you.

If you find that your spouse is always on their phone when you’re not around, but all of a sudden they’re rarely on it when you’re next to them, it’s a strong sign of cheating.

Why? Because a cheater is very paranoid when their phone is near you. They know that there’s a possibility of their “hidden other” texting them at any given moment.

And if you’re there at that moment, they’re busted and will have to come up with an excuse. But they can avoid all of that by just putting their phone on silent and away while they’re with you.

Final thoughts.

Obviously these signs aren’t evidence. This is all circumstantial. These are just behaviors that cheaters often exude, which is why you should be careful.

Sometimes our biases and paranoias warp our senses making us see things that aren’t really there.

That being said, you should first confirm your suspicions by finding out whether they’re cheating or not for sure.

Otherwise, stay vigilant and pay attention to other possible signs.

Recommended: 3 Clever Ways To Catch A Cheater

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